WHY DO I GET SO DARNED DEPRESSED AT NIGHT?

I know why. Jack helped me discover it. Life is so deceiving. It makes you think that you want things that you don't. It makes you think that you're ungrateful for the stuff that you don't even want, but you really do want it. (Did that make sense? Hah.) But yeah, I guess all that cheesy love crap is getting to us. Flattery, self-esteem, confidence and even reliance in other people, make life what it is - confusing.

I realized that I miss you (multiple "you"s). It may or may not have been just a friendship thing, but I really do miss you. I miss the fact that I'd be someone's #1, no matter in what category. I miss being your phone call every night. I miss eating tubs of ice cream with you. I miss walking to class with you. I miss feeling awkward and amateurish with you. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss the adventures that we used to have, they seemed so carefree and spontaneous. I miss the way you made me smile. I miss the way you made me feel special, I guess that's what this is all about. I feel like I don't know the feeling anymore, to feel special. Especially with my parents, they're always pointing out the bad and never motivating me. I guess it really gets me down to know that they'll admit that we, specifically me, disappointed them. And there's no undoing it, and I have to live with it everyday. On top of feeling like a failure with my parents, I feel like I can't really complain to my friends, cause either I'm just being a drama queen and hormonal, or they'll listen and not care much. I miss having a few REALLY close friends... Everyone seems to drift, especially around the summer when everyone has their own thing going on. I guess I have high expectations for summer; for it to be a fun and new experience. But to be honest, this summer has fallen waaaaay short of my expectations, and believe me; I didn't expect much... Well, we'll see. There's a month and a half left, and I'll officially be starting my senior year. The beginning of the end.